To Be By Your Side
by T.S. Atlas
Summary: All she ever wanted to do was make a friend...to get closer to him...and for that purpose, she would pay any price.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N -**_ Hey, its been a while. Well, sorry for not uploading much, been busy, moving out soon, excuses excuses, but most importantly, nothing I seem to write seems...well, right. This story took me well over a week to write, so, sorry about that. If you follow War Changes a Yordle, I'll be back to working on it after the move. Reason I wrote this was that my birthday was last week (on the second) and it was pretty bad, so, I wanted to do something for myself. As a note, it is similar to another story I wrote, Price. So much so I wanted to make this a second chapter to that, but, it isn't a sequel or directly along with that story, they just share a common theme. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy, please, leave reviews and favorite it if you like, I would really appreciate it. Take care everyone, and I'll try my best at writing.

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To Get Closer To You

Why?

That's what she wanted to know.

Why would he push her away? She just wanted to be his friend…

She saw his hurt, she saw the pain, although he was very good at hiding it. Yordles weren't usually like him…they weren't so full of hate like he was. But beneath the burning anger that she saw in his eyes, she saw agony. When she would ask him, he would tell her nothing of his past. All she knew were the rumors passed around about him. She wanted to be his friend…no yordle should ever have to be alone.

So even when he got ugly, he spat and yelled at her…when he hurt her…she didn't give up. There had to be something she could do for him, there had to be some way she could get through to him.

"Why? Why do you care so much for someone like him," the fae would ask, whispering into her ear from upon her shoulder. "Why not just leave him be? Why not just play like you usually do?"

"Because…last time you told me to play…it didn't end up so good…"

Pix frowned. "You're no fun anymore…"

And so, he left. Pix was her friend…he played with her…but…he was also the one who led her away…and once she entered the glade, she left the world, as she knew it, behind, never to see it again. Why…why did she follow him…why did she stop? What was it about Veigar that made her want to help him…why…why did she want to be his friend…

Her heart hurt. She gripped her chest, lying in the dark of her room. She could feel the tears that stained her cheeks. It hurt…it hurt…she clenched her eyes shut, shaking. Why did loneliness hurt so much? Why was it so cold? Loneliness…is this what Veigar goes through each night? She couldn't stand the loneliness, the pain, but more than that, she couldn't stand the thought that Veigar felt this way as well. He never expressed his pain…but…she just knew. Yordle's aren't meant to be alone…and he had been alone for a very long time. The fact that he wasn't like any other yordle testified to this. His spite, his ugliness, his harshness, it was because he was so lonely, because the cold that she felt now had seeped into his heart. His body had been broken, but it was the cold that crushed his spirits, the solitude that truly tortured him.

She woke up screaming his name, trembling with the blankets pulled around her small frame. "Pix!" she cried, finding no response. The fae had left her. She had forgotten. It was so…so quiet…it made her uneasy. Hoping out of bed, she ran from her room. It was sure to be late, but, she didn't care. She had to see him. She couldn't stand for him to be alone…she couldn't stand to be alone herself…she had to be with him, she had to, no matter what…she wouldn't forgive herself otherwise…

She raced down the halls of the institute, her chest heaving. She stopped before a door, not unlike any other in the hall, but she knew it was his. It looked just as all the others did, a door of great size, giant for the standards of most, but even more so for a yordle. She knew it was his by the way it felt. The only way she could explain it is…there was a weight to it. A presence that only he had, this dark air that had hung around Veigar everywhere he went, its pressure seeming to warp the door. The massive size of the door was intimidating enough as it was, but now, standing before it, she felt a tugging in her chest and doubt in her mind.

He's never wanted me before…why would he now? I want him, but…do I have that right? Am I allowed to be by his side…or…am I just being selfish again…like I've always been…

She never touched the handle of his door. Her hand balled up into a fist, and soon, she followed suit, curling up into a ball before his door, weeping. She just wanted to be with him…she just wanted him to want her…she just…didn't want to be alone anymore…what could she do…how could she get closer to him…

"Perhaps I can help you, child," a voice replied, as if reading her mind. She looked up, seeing a figure stand before her, a thin smile across her lips.

LeBlanc.

"P-Please…"

"Oh? Well…I don't know," the deceiver smirked, rubbing her chin. Lulu's eyes opened wide as she sprung up from the floor.

"Please!" she pleaded, grabbing hold of LeBlanc, her hands trembling. "…please…" her voice had dropped to a whisper. Her cheeks were already stained with the trails of her tears, yet she tried her best to hold back more, albeit, unsuccessfully. She mouthed the words.

LeBlanc hid her sinister smirk by letting out a sigh. She put her arms up to the side, as if in defeat, but in truth, she was victorious in her wicked endeavor. How innocent this yordle was. "Well, I suppose I can help you, child, but…"

"B-but!?"

The deceiver chuckled. "Calm down. Take a breath." The yordle sorceress did as she was told, inhaling deeply, only then noticing that she was gripping LeBlanc's arm tightly. She loosened her grip, opening her mouth as if to apologize, but LeBlanc spoke first. "But," she continued on in a soothing voice, "there will be a price."

"A…price?" Lulu let go of LeBlanc's arm and reached deep into her pockets to find whatever she had, to see if it was enough. From her pockets, she pulled out handfuls of glitter, purple and pink, the powder seeping through her fingers as she held it out towards the mage. "W-would this be enough!?"

The mage chuckled lightly. "Oh, child…it is not that kind of price…"

"I-it isn't? Then…w-what is it?"

She could see the despair and desperation in the yordle's eyes, how close she was to the breaking point. "Hmm…the price…well, let's just say…" and finally, LeBlanc showed that sinister grin she had been hiding, "what I require of you is…you…" A shiver went down Lulu's spine as she felt LeBlanc cup her cheeks, the Noxian mage inching her face closer to Lulu's to an uncomfortable closeness. Lulu was stiff, she could hear her heart beating in her ears. She felt danger. "Well? What do you say? Are you willing to pay such a price? If you do…well…I can say, without doubt, that he will be rushing to be by your side…are you willing to make this deal? To give me your body and soul? You know nothing of the creature in there…that yordle was changed, that yordle was broken…so…allow me to break you as well…" Her voice was a prayer being whispered into Lulu's ear, the warmth of her breath making the yordle turn away from her, a flush on her face.

She looked at the door, that large, intimidating door…do I deserve to be with him? No…I don't…but…if I understand him…if I share in his pain…then…we can suffer together…right? We can be alone…together…

"I…I'll pay any price…so…please…"

Again, that sinister grin.

And then…pain…

Pain.

Pain.

More pain.

Veigar screamed, throwing scrolls and tomes across the room. Why…why was he thinking about all that now? It happened so very long ago, yet, it was vivid in his mind, the stinging pain, the cruel abuse, the torture, the darkness, loneliness, that cell…why did it come to him now…

He growled, rising to his feet, he stormed out of the room, unable to sit still, anxiety and anger running deep through his body, dark thoughts and memories swarming his mind. People called him bitter…people called him hateful…spiteful…ugly…a monster…and it was true…all of it…the being that he was, what they called him, that was truly him. He didn't care, however. He decided long ago the path that he now walked. They will all see what pain really is…they will all bow…they will all…his hands tightened into fists…I'll kill them all…

The yordles that foiled his plans, the Demacians, who picked wars with nations because their ideals were not "just", and most importantly, the Noxians…the ones who killed him long ago…how he shall return the favor a hundred times over…

He shook his head. In his tightened hands, he realized he forgot his staff back in his dorm. No matter. He was powerful enough without it. He could defend himself from whoever would try and get to him. Of the people who were going after him, he knew not the name of a single one. Someone like him was bound to have countless enemies, countless people seeking to destroy him. The shadows were his enemies, and yet, they were also his asylum. He only ever felt safe within its cover, but he was not ignorant enough to believe that there couldn't be others hiding within them as well. There were always people after him, he could just feel it…their presence…their stares…no one would come close to me…

But she…

No! He shook his head again. That blasted girl! So insolent and stupid! The imbecile…

It didn't take long for him to find out which faction she belonged to, the answer being none at all. She was not some assassin come to kill him, some charmer come to fell his defenses, she was just…some stupid, innocent yordle…he could only scoff at this. Innocence? No such thing! Innocence died long ago. But even though she was not a threat, what she was turned out to be, put simply, a nuisance. She was annoying, the way she distracted him, the way she wanted to get close to him, the way her voice was bubbly and high pitched gave him headaches. He hated her smile most of all…he could see how fake it was, and it only disgusted him. She was nothing more than a dimwitted child…after all…only someone without a brain would dare to call him "friend."

And yet, right now, with the phantom feelings of pain now surging through his body, with dark memories flooding his mind, he could only curse…where is she at…he hated her…she was a nuisance…she got in the way of his training, his studying…but right now, he needed that distraction…

All around him, the shadows seemed to twist sinisterly, the only light came from the moon that shone through the windows of the hallway, what some might find beautiful, he found to be peculiar and eerie. But it mattered little and less for him. With how he felt…he felt like…he needed to just do…something…anything…he didn't need that girl to help distract him…he was fine long before she appeared, he'll be fine now, but still, he cursed that the one time he did need her company, she was gone, the little thorn in his side that she was.

Yes, he had been alone for so long now. All that there has ever been has been the shadows…the people who had wanted him dead…and the pain…how it lingered…

Reaching the end of the hallway, he froze in place, hearing his name being called out behind him. He turned, the once long and empty hallway now had an occupant aside from Veigar. A yordle stood, cloaked in black robes, her voice distorted, sounding as if it were a whisper, said from far away. Her voice was haunting. "…Veigar…" she had called out. He was stunned, unable to move, just…staring at her. She raised her hand, his mind told him to run, told him that she was dangerous, that she would cause him pain, but his body did not respond, his yellow glowing eyes as wide as saucers as her hand reached forward. And then, his body jolted forward, rushing to the stranger as he saw her collapse.

But as he got closer, he felt the shadows, darkness surrounding him, cold gripping at his heart as he was unable to comprehend, as he was unable to accept the sight before him.

She wore different clothes, yes, but much of her was different. Her skin, a lively color, was now white as milk, her hair, a vibrant purple, now seemed stained black, tendrils of dark energy, shadows, seemed to smoke from the blackness of her hair, and her eyes…once a sparkling emerald green…they were now glowing a sickly yellow…as his did…she was so different, but…he could tell…she was…

No…she can't be…how…

He picked her up in his shaky arms…Lulu…

"…Vei…gar…?" her voice was weak and hoarse, her eyes didn't look at him, but rather, through him, as if looking off somewhere far away.

She felt so light and frail in his arms. His mouth was dry but the anger and fear were present in his quiet tome. "What happened…who did this to you…"

"Huh…? Oh…" She didn't seem to comprehend what he meant, it taking her a while to respond, but even then, it didn't sound like she was all there. "This…um…I…I did it to myself…"

"What!" He squeezed her shoulder tightly, his eyes flaring with anger. "Why would you-!"

A chill went down his spine as he heard a soft chuckle escape her lips. She placed her hand gently on his cheek, her skin as cold as ice. "…silly…I did it…so I can be closer to you…" Veigar was left speechless. What did she mean? To get closer to me? You don't mean- "I…I wanted to be by your side…I was always…always so lonely…and…I knew you were too…but…you never…let me in, so I…I did this to get closer to you…I let her…I let her use me…let her break me…that all that bad stuff…all that magic you know…I let it take me…and I…"

"Who! Why did this to you! Tell me now so that I can kill them!"

Another soft chuckle escaped her lips, her eyelids becoming heavier. He felt his heart sink at what she did next. She smiled to him. This one, he could see, was genuine…it was warm…it was…innocent…how…

"I'm…so happy…" she said.

"Why…WHY! WHY ARE YOU HAPPY!" he screamed.

"Because…you…actually…care about me….I'm happy…" a tear rolled down her cheek. "Please…can I…can I…stay…by your side…?"

"Damn you…you stupid girl…!"

Again, another chuckle.

"Veigar…I'm…I'm tired…please…" she nestled into his arms, the smile ever present, her eyes slowly closing.

"No…no! NO! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME! NOT NOW! PLEASE!"

He gripped her body close to her chest, her light, fragile body, her hair that smelled of shade and dust, her skin, cool as ice. He held her close…

And he cried.

Please…I don't want to be alone…


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N -**_ Hello everyone, so, little things before the start. I did change the name of this story from  To Be Closer to You to To Be By Your Side. I've never really changed the titles of any of my stories but I thought this one felt better. That said, why is there a second chapter? No real reason. I just ended up writing more and more. So then, yes, this is the second chapter. Will there be more in the future? Possibly. I'll leave it open and only when I change the status of this story to complete will it be decided that its over, really, but, I hope you enjoy this part. Tell me what you think and if you'd like to see more of this story line, as it were. Take care.

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To Be By Your Side

Chapter II

It seemed that all she would do was sleep.

He remembered holding her in his arms, thinking the worst. Then, she opened her eyes. "Veigar…please…I'm just…really sleepy…" she had told him with a yawn. Never before had he felt so embarrassed. The yordle he held in his arms, the one he thought to be dying, was just…sleepy?

And now, she stayed by his side. She was always there with him. Everywhere he went, she did as well, her once bubbly and loud nature which he found to be annoying had been pacified by what had happened to her, she was now much calmer and cooler, her entire being had changed, and she was just…a different person. It made him wonder who he once was…long ago, before all the torture, before the pain, before the solitude… He tried not to think much about his past. All the past had brought him was pain. But she…whenever he looked to her, he could not help but to recollect on all those terrible things…because now, she had suffered them too.

And it was all for him. All to get closer to him. He hated her. Hated how stupid she was. Before, he would tell her how daft she was, he would yell at her, he would put her down and push her away…but now, she merely agreed with him, all with a gentle smile on her face as she apologized, and he found himself unable to push her away. Not anymore. He didn't want to push her away. He didn't want to be alone. And for all that she has went through, she has made it abundantly clear that she didn't want to be alone either.

He closed the mighty tome he had been reading with an ugly scowl, unable to learn anything from its contents due to the thoughts that swarmed his mind. He stood from his desk, turning to his bed, to where she slept, curled up in a little ball on the side closest to the wall. He didn't bother blowing out the candle, although with how dim it was, it made no difference in the room. It was pitch black, as it always was. Veigar was used to this, used to the darkness, his eyes having yellowed, turning nocturnal. It mattered little and less with the candle, for even without it, he could see fine enough without it. But, now, standing at his bedside, he wished he couldn't see. He didn't want to see her. It was too painful. It just made him think, more and more, about himself, about her, and about pain.

She was bundled up in his blankets, white sheets hiding her small body curled so tightly in the corner of the bed where the headboard met the wall, and yet, her hair was sprawled across his bed. Her long hair, once purple, was now a raven colored black. He knew why. After his body had been broken, he absorbed the darkness of his cell, the darkness grew in his heat, and so, he became a dark mage. The shadows were poisonous, turning his fur black. And, so it seems, it did the same to her. That black hair…he knew what had to happen for it to have turned that color. She was once innocent and pure. But her smile was her only flaw. How was it now, that after her being had been stained, after she had been broken and tormented, just as he, that she was able to have smiled so genuinely? So…innocently? Her innocence…stained…all for him.

He climbed in bed, the motions waking a groggy Lulu only slightly enough for her to scoot closer to him. She was like this. Whenever they laid down together, she would lay upon his chest. It didn't matter that she hogged all the sheets, she would keep him warm. And that only made the pit in his stomach deeper. How was she so warm? Where did this warmth come from…after what had happened to him, he was left cold and empty…but she…she smiled for him and kept him warm.

He could see the skin of her face, her complexion as white as bone, her once colorful features now gone, she looked almost like a porcelain doll. He caressed her cheek with his gloved hand, being careful to not harm her with the metallic gauntlet that he wore.

Why. Why was he being so gentle?

He was always an ugly thing, treated others like trash. He treated her no differently. He was everything that they had called him when his back was turned. He was evil. He was dangerous. He was vile and wicked. He was a monster. And whatever they called him, he accepted it, for he truly believed that he was all those terrible things. But now, he wondered if he could accept that he is something even more horrible than all that. He was a monster, yes, for he did terrible things to others. But, one is truly a devil when they are able to make good people do bad things for them. He did not order her to hurt anyone, but rather, she hurt herself, all for him. He couldn't accept that. He couldn't accept that he was the cause for her pain, for the pain that he knew from so long ago. But, what he could do was accept her. Maybe that was enough. For now, anyway.

He would accept Lulu. The Fae Sorceress was dead, the Lulu of now someone else entirely, just as he once was. Just as he died, long ago. He changed from a yordle like any other to a dark and maniacal being. And yet, she had accepted this twisted being that he had become. He would accept her, whatever she was, whatever she would become.

"Veigar…" she grumbled, her voice laced with sleep and her eyes still closed, "…what's wrong?"

He scoffed, a natural response of his. "And what makes you think something is wrong with me, woman?" He spoke in his usual tone, but, that only served to make him sound harsher than he truly meant.

He could feel her smile against his chest as she nuzzled closer to him. "I can hear…" she paused, yawning greatly before continuing. "…your heart…it feels like…there's something wrong."

There was a pause, longer than the one she had taken for her midsentence yawn, where Veigar just lay, peering at her form atop his body. Her hair, black as a raven, smelled much like dust and shadows, the very air around her felt cooler and calmer, the scent of petrichor ever present, her body light as a feather, her skin deathly pale, and her smile…her smile, now so genuine. "Do you think me wrong?"

She shook her head sleepily, although this only served for her to nuzzle against him more. "To me, Veigar…you are perfect…"

Although from his point of view, he couldn't see her face, just the top of her head, he could tell that she wore a warm smile.

But why…

"Then…" he rephrased after some thought. "Do you think yourself wrong?"

"And why would I think that, silly?" She gave a soft chuckle. But unfortunately, Veigar was not one to share such a lighthearted mood.

"Do you regret what you've done…is this what you really wanted?"

She was quiet. Not just the quiet that she usually was from her more relaxed nature, but rather, more unable to find any words. She shifted around uncomfortably before eventually pushing herself up. She looked into his eyes, and he into hers. When he looked into her eyes, he saw himself. Before everything had happened to him…the innocence that he had lost. Her eyes were just as his, yellowed with darkness and magic, and yet, they shone brilliantly, sparkling like gold where his were a more eerie and sick color. How. How had she kept her innocence through all the pain? How were her eyes still able to sparkle so beautifully? He was so captivated with the warm gold of her eyes that he almost didn't realize the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I…I always wanted to be with you…I don't regret…what I did…because if I didn't…I wouldn't be here with you…and seeing you so lonely…it was killing me, Veigar…"

He truly was a despicable person. To make someone such as her hurt for his sins.

He simply nodded in acknowledgement. She went back to nuzzling his chest, wiping away her tears on his robe, but, he did not mind.

"Do you not tire of sleeping so often?" She shook her head in response, Veigar staring at the ceiling. "All I've ever done…I've always been so filled with hate, the hate drives me…I don't know what to do anymore…I've always hated the world but now, I seem to be hating myself even more."

"Well…" she didn't know how much her words would mean to him, but…hearing him say he hated himself…it made her heart sink…"…I don't hate you, Veigar…" She felt his heart rate slow, felt it calm. She smiled to herself.

"If you do not regret your choice…then do you not tire of this…all I do…all I do is study…research…test magic…do not think you have changed me, fool…I still plan on going through with my plans…but…is this what you wanted…to sit beside me…as I busy myself with other things…you said you were lonely…you wanted to be with me…but is this truly what you want? Are you not still lonely? I work myself day in day out and leave no time for you…"

"No…that's not true…" Her voice seemed softer than usual, she looked up to him, and he looked down at her. "We have now. We have little moments here and there. And even if you are busy…you still let me be by your side…I may not be strong or as smart as you…I may not be able to help you…but I am by your side…and that's all I ever wanted…I didn't want to be lonely anymore…I didn't want you to be lonely…and even if this is all we do…then…at least we can be lonely together, right?" She smiled to him, so innocent and warm…

We have now. And yet…

Why did he want to give her so much more?

What was she doing to him?

He pat her head, closing his eyes along with her. He was scared. Scared of what was happening to him. But for the little moments like these…the ones they spent together…maybe…maybe this was enough…at least…for now, anyway…


End file.
